Relationship 101: How to Obtain a Commitment


Most advice on relationships will insist that one must not tell everything about one’s self on the first date, however honesty in the beginning sets the tone for the relationship. If an individual wants to be in a committed relationship, then this should be stated! It is better to let an individual know your plans, rather than guessing ten years later if this person has even considered marriage. People respect standards and if the standards are known upfront, it gives the other person the opportunity to make a decision about whether those standards are worth living up to!

Stop having sex before giving time to get to know the character of the person. Often sexual tension and attraction appear to be so overwhelming that most confuse this desire with love and fidelity. Due to the frequent one night stands that occur, it’s obvious that sex does not always encompass love or fidelity for that matter!  The purpose of sexual relations is to procreate, while most may not see sex in this way, before the heat of the moment occurs, it may be a good idea to query whether this person is an appropriate choice to share in the duties of parenthood! It takes time to assess someone’s character and when it is clouded by the act of sex, it may be hard to see the truth about a person.

Understand that one can not force someone to commit! Ultimatums, trickery, and manipulation never work!  Just because one may like the things that are done for them, does not necessarily mean that they like the person.  Individuals must be careful about how much is being given to a relationship if there is no reciprocation by the other half.  Being honest about one’s needs and being able to understand and recognize when those needs are not being met is the first step towards commitment! Be sure to not let a great sexual experience be the focal point of the relationship as great sex does not equal commitment! Last but not least, set realistic standards for the relationship! If an individual wants to be in a commitment, they will rise to the occasion!

Dr. Roselyn V. Aker-Black has a doctorate in clinical psychology and is a freelance writer, life coach, psychological consultant, relationship expert, and owner of, an interactive website dedicated to providing realistic relationship advice. If you would like to comment on this article or ask Dr. Roz a question, she can be reached at


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