Should a Woman Ask a Man Out?


Should a woman ask a man out? This is a very controversial question based on the fact that there are so many wonderful single women who are tired of waiting on their knight in shiny armor to sweep them off of their feet. The more she waits on this “Super Mate” with no flaws to enter her life, the more frustrated she may become about her singleness, thus taking matters into her own hands. Ladies, HOLD ON! Resist the temptation, don’t do it! There is nothing worse than feeling like you are chasing after a man! Trust me, it does nothing for your self-esteem when you are labeled as a stalker!

The pursuit is left up to a man for a reason! Men are hunters by nature, women are not! Regardless of how successful, proactive, or independent we are, it’s just not in our nature to hunt for a man. Now we may do our part in looking presentable so that we can participate in the chase, but doing the hunting is not what we were designed to do!

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not think that women should just sit around and do nothing, and expect a mate to enter her life. She must prepare herself to be the best wife for the husband that she will be blessed with and strive to become the best person that she can be, so there is room enough to receive the blessing of whom her future husband may be.

Once a woman is placed in the position of being the pursuer, she becomes the default blame when the man feels emasculated and is positioned to be labeled as aggressive or intimidating. There is absolutely nothing wrong with these two traits in certain situations, however in terms of pursuing a man, these traits can be seen as a turn off. As women, I believe we have a way in grabbing the attention of the one that we want to be pursued by, so not all is lost, after all we are blessed with the gift of seduction!

There are times where we see a potential mate and before we have even said hello to him, we have already dreamed of what life would be like with him, how many kids the two of you will have, and what life happily ever after looks like through your eyes. While it is great to fantasize about a potential mate, you have to make sure that you do not appear as if you are desperate. Trust me, he will smell desperation on you and will run in the opposite direction! Please note, just because he may like what you are doing for him, does not mean that he actually likes you! It’s human nature to see how much a person is willing to do and most people will get the maximum benefit out of the situation. So be a bit discriminate about who you share the best of you with! Not all people are worthy to see your treasures, so before you hand it to him on a platter, allow him to search a bit for the treasure! Trust me, he enjoys the chase far more than you providing your treasure freely.

My advice to you single ladies, is do not allow yourself to be dictated by timelines, such as I need to be married by thirty or I am a failure! Life will happen for you when you are in a space to love you, feel confident about who you are, be approachable, love life, choose to be happy, and relax! All of these traits are attractive, so practice them. Love has a way of finding us, but only when we are truthful and have prepared ourselves for it to happen.

Dr. Roselyn V. Aker-Black has a doctorate in clinical psychology and is a freelance writer, life coach, psychological consultant, relationship expert, and owner of, An interactive website dedicated to providing realistic relationship advice. If you would like to comment on this article or ask Dr. Roz a question, she can be reached at



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